Hit Him Again!

By Lt Cameron Ross

Capt James “HIT HIM YOU COWARD!” Anderson continued his promise to train the officers of the Regiment in the ways of Close Quarters Combat. Like last year, the first day began with instruction on the basics of bayonet fighting as we learned how to stab and lay general beat-downs on imaginary enemies that consisted mostly of air. Beyond basic techniques, the instruction also included tactics on how to survive and win a two-on-one engagement, where the CO, LCol Josh “beating up the Adjt and Ops O at the same time would obviously be too easy this year” Major managed to sneak up on Capt Justin “Situational Awareness” Salter despite being outnumbered and on an open mat with nothing to hide behind. Although informative, stabbing non-existent people was found to be mostly underwhelming and as such Capt Anderson brought out the pugil fighting equipment out so that the officers could use their newfound skills on live opponents (namely, each other).

The first match opened with the two titans of this generation of officers, Lt Stephanie “Gains-Laurel” Clubine against Lt Erica “Sumo-Laurel” Young facing each other down like two obscenely large monstrosities as the mouth-foaming crowd of officers cheered for one of them to draw first blood of the morning. Despite the biblical proportions of the battle, even this was deemed too tame a match and so more tributes were brought forward to appease the profane gods that the officers inexplicably began worshipping.

Other notable matches included the battle of the two ‘lesser’ titans, Capt Gordon Elliot and Capt Nathan Hevenor who fought like two much smaller Laurels. The annual battle between OC A and OC B occurred again this week, although Maj Darryn “Peaked last year” Gray failed to break his pugil stick off of Maj Sandy “I’ll take that as a win” Cooper’s head this year.

Perhaps most interesting was the grudge matches. Capt Catherine “I’m going to fight the weakest link” Diering, in a move inspired by fate, decided to repeat last year’s history of people named “Cameron” fighting women and called out Lt Cameron “Evidently not the weakest link” Ross. The match was truly a test of skills and wits, with the battle swaying back and forth numerous times before finally and abruptly ending about ten seconds after it began. Lt Ross’ loader, Cpl Brandyn “You literally knocked her into next week” Tomayer had some colourful commentary to add to the occasion when he heard of the epic battle.

Next year’s CQC training promises to bring more of the same and I’m sure all involved are looking forward to it.