50 Random Musings From Afghanistan
By MCpl Shawn Alexander
21 April 2009
1. Airplane meals suck… 8 in one flight really suck.
2. Slurpee Season starts in earnest here in March. Unfortunately, I’m no where near one.
3. Hockey is on at a decent hour here… 6am, which is much better than 3am games in Bosnia.
4. Chuck Norris jokes have been WAY over done!
5. Parody Motivational Posters are also way over done.
6. Port-a-potties are called Blue Rockets in military slang… and I’ll never forget the smell of the ones over here…
7. The Phone and Internet Gods are fickle, yet again…
8. Tim Horton’s in KAF tastes the same as Tim Horton’s in Canada… too bad I’m in neither.
9. My room is 3 feet by 6 feet… and it’s pretty comfy.
10. Scrap wood is a good source of privacy… and tables… and shelving units… and rest areas… and…
11. Afghanis have a sense of humour too… they laugh at Canadian soldiers stuck in the mud just like I do… until, of course, it’s me stuck in the mud.
12. Apparently a field can be both water logged and dusty at the same time.
13. Our plastic forks were not designed to survive steak night… or chicken night… or pasta night… or any other night, really…
14. Brushing one’s teeth with bottled water is not a decadent luxury here…
15. It’s hot in the day, cold at night, with brief periods of comfortable at the hours you’re never outside.
16. 107mm rockets make a lot of noise… but not as much as the Rock Band concert on the X-Box in the troop rest area.
17. Sandwiches for lunch again?
18. Most Canadian military vehicles here aren’t meant to fit on donkey trails… but, here’s to making it work anyhow!
19. That field that looks dry enough to cross in my truck isn’t.
20. Trading for American Rations to get the little bottle of Tabasco Sauce is totally worth it!
21. Holes dug in the ground for sleeping in can quickly turn into field swimming pools…
22. Having a shower and letting the water run is not an option.
23. A motorcycle can comfortably seat a family of four.
24. Army guys look funny when they go months between haircuts.
25. That guy you’ve never met before is suddenly your new best friend when he finds out you’re here to replace him.
26. 400 jerry cans is a lot to fill by hand… 800 is even more…
27. Everyone has a digital camera… and likes to take pictures of you when you are least presentable.
28. People magazine from last year is apparently still good to read.
29. Coffee is still required at 30 degrees Celsius. We’ll see at 50 degrees.
30. Please, no more Chuck Norris jokes… they aren’t funny anymore…
31. Old magazines means new wallpaper.
32. It gets REALLY dark here at night!
33. The Army really has too many acronyms.
34. So far, the Dry Season isn’t…
35. I look funny when I try to grow a field moustache.
36. Donkey pulled wheelbarrow is a preferred form of transportation.
37. Some guys are WAY too into NHL 09 on the X-Box.
38. Coca-cola tastes the same, regardless of what language is on the can.
39. Taking the path less travelled is often a good idea.
40. I can’t pronounce any names over here.
41. The Canadian Maple granola bars here were made in Argentina for a company in Switzerland, shipped by a company in the UK, to Lebanon… with no ingredients from Canada.
42. There are more “Cosmo” magazines here than I would have expected for a camp of 98% men.
43. Afghan “Pimp My Ride” involves lots of useless trinkets… much like the American version.
44. Mud walls are incredibly strong… until accidentally bumped by a truck…
45. Poppies don’t mean the same things here as they do back home.
46. Driving for seven hours to travel 20km is not unusual.
47. Gloves aren’t just for cold weather anymore!
48. A cold beer would be heaven right now…
49. Oh, did I mention, no more Chuck Norris jokes, please?
50. I don’t think I even know how to count to 50…