Strathcona Subalterns Run for Charity

By Lieutenant Bryce Simpson

On 16 August 2014, the Strathcona Subalterns deployed in force to participate in the 10th Annual Sonic 1km Run and Beer Garden.  The Sonic 1km is a charitable event designed to support Youth Empowerment and Support Services (YESS), a local charity set up to provide support to at-risk youth.  The run itself is considered by many to be one of the most competitive in the region, or at least by the majority of the junior officers in attendance, and consists of a 1km run through the Edmonton downtown area and ending at Hudson’s Canadian Tap House with a complimentary beer and burger.

After much sober deliberation the week prior, the subbies decided that we should grace the people of Edmonton with our presence on the Saturday of the run.  We quickly concluded that our number one priority was to appear in costumes (as is tradition) that would best prepare us for the arduous task of moving an entire kilometre (dismounted!) on a weekend.  Combing the annals of proud Regimental history revealed that the Strathcona’s existed in the 1930s – simultaneously with world-renowned archeologist and Nazi-puncher, Indiana Jones.  With the theme decided upon, we began to devise our costumes and plan another glorious event in the history of Strathcona subalterns.

We arrived the day of the event led by the Adjutant, Capt Tim “Guys, I’m totally a Professor” Day and a whole cast of characters from the three watchable Indiana Jones movies. With some help from the Regimental Carpenter, we also had the privilege of bearing a life size replica of the Ark of the Covenant from Raiders of the Lost Ark which Lt Shaun “Sword Guy” Rogozinski, as the Regimental expert on Biblical history and shiny things deemed as “totally, 100% accurate.”  Most importantly, the Ark contained a large quantity of mystery Holy Hydration fluid accessible from a magic funnel.  The radio hosts from Sonic 102.9 made some remarks which captivated all who could hear them over the strains of the Indiana Jones theme which blared mysteriously from the crowd.  When the assembled competitors heard the sound of Lt Andrew “Indiana Jones” Tardiff’s pistol firing (repeatedly), the run began at an astonishing pace.  Our Indiana Jones battled Lt Darren “The Rock” Carter-Wright and other movie villains along the way while the rest of the cast took frequent “hydration” breaks from the Ark.  Capt Stephen “2 Kool 4 Costumes” Couture made up for his lack of festive garb by volunteering to carry the Ark and the battery powered Amp which ensured that all present had nothing to listen to but John Williams’ movie score for three blocks of the race.  With a respectable (under an hour) completion time, the Strathcona team considered itself the real winners of the race, but Capt Joe “I haven’t seen the movies” Monroe nearly beat out all the competition before being distracted by a popsicle.

 

Returning to Hudson’s, the subbies set about consuming well-deserved burgers and rehydrated with something fraudulently referred to as “beer”.  Tensions arose with the bar staff over the use of a prop whip within the establishment and the siting of the Ark indoors on one of Hudson’s larger tables.  Skillful negotiations by the Adjutant and a promise to the manager by Lt Bryce “Oh yeah, we’ll totally be back for this thing” Simpson that we would properly dispose of the Ark the next day, ensured that the subbies remained in the bar long enough to receive the prize for best costume (the prize itself is now as lost as the Holy Grail).  The evening ended with the majority of the Subbies heading down to Whyte Avenue to spread Indiana Jones-fuelled cheer.  Most importantly, we helped to raise money for a worthy local charity and represented the Regiment in style to the people of Edmonton.